Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Guilt, Peace, Worry: Which Do Your Prefer?
During our lives we carry with us many different feelings which vary from the very negative to the very positive. Depending on our state of mind we have a recurrence of one or the other.
Of all the feelings that are available to us, there are three that we face all the time. These 3 have many variations in intensity and all but they can be summarized as: guilt, peace, and worry.
Let’s examine these three.
1. Guilt and/or regret
These are mostly related to something that we have done in the past, though it is possible that a person may feel guilty by anticipation. For example, you know that what a future action is going to harm or disappoint someone but you do it anyway. This anticipated guilt is very common among parents. By and large, you feel guilt for something you have or haven’t done in the past. You regret a past action or the lack of it thereof.
You regret that you ate that piece of cake, that you didn't learn that language or that instrument, that you never attended college, that you didn't write that book, that you didn't give more love to your pet, that you sat all day in front of the tube...
You feel guilty because you didn't call someone, because you didn't go that party, because you spent too much money, because you crashed your car, because you fell in love with the wrong person, because you didn't give your child something (anything), because you put your parents in a home, because...
Regrets and guilt are immobilizing. We feel stuck to go forward. We walk on mud and carry the burden of the past with us.
2. Worry and/or fear
These are feelings that happen in the present but are directly related to the future. We worry about and fear things that have not happened yet. This is our "monkey mind" at its best. Monkey mind says: "You can’t afford this, watch out for that car, how you will be able to pay this bill? You will never get well"...
And you say: "I am afraid of this exam. I am afraid I will get fat if I eat this, I am afraid she won’t like me, I am afraid to climb that hill, I am afraid to speak in front of all these people, I am afraid my business will fail, I am afraid I won’t have money to pay my bills"...
Our mind doesn’t play around. The worries and the fears are only very real. The result is that we keep sending these negative vibes today, only to receive more of the same tomorrow.
3. Peace and joy
Peace of mind is only guaranteed today. So is joy. Those are feelings that we feel today, this very moment. We can wish we will be at peace tomorrow and we can remember having had peace yesterday, but the feeling in now.
The similarity between the three types of feeling is that they are all felt today. However, only peace and joy are positive feelings that will make us happier.
What is the point of worrying about the past and have this anxiety and fear about the future? Can we do anything about them? Do they present any solution to the events in our lives? Are they making us happier? Do they make us move forward? Do they make us feel good? Do they inspire us? Do they help increase our hope and trust that the world is a good place to be and that our lives are worth living?
They don’t. So, every time you catch yourself having or the other, acknowledge it to satisfy your conscious mind and immediately say something like this: "I am undisturbed by appearances. All is well and I am safe." And go about your day in peace and joy.
Of all the feelings that are available to us, there are three that we face all the time. These 3 have many variations in intensity and all but they can be summarized as: guilt, peace, and worry.
Let’s examine these three.
1. Guilt and/or regret
These are mostly related to something that we have done in the past, though it is possible that a person may feel guilty by anticipation. For example, you know that what a future action is going to harm or disappoint someone but you do it anyway. This anticipated guilt is very common among parents. By and large, you feel guilt for something you have or haven’t done in the past. You regret a past action or the lack of it thereof.
You regret that you ate that piece of cake, that you didn't learn that language or that instrument, that you never attended college, that you didn't write that book, that you didn't give more love to your pet, that you sat all day in front of the tube...
You feel guilty because you didn't call someone, because you didn't go that party, because you spent too much money, because you crashed your car, because you fell in love with the wrong person, because you didn't give your child something (anything), because you put your parents in a home, because...
Regrets and guilt are immobilizing. We feel stuck to go forward. We walk on mud and carry the burden of the past with us.
2. Worry and/or fear
These are feelings that happen in the present but are directly related to the future. We worry about and fear things that have not happened yet. This is our "monkey mind" at its best. Monkey mind says: "You can’t afford this, watch out for that car, how you will be able to pay this bill? You will never get well"...
And you say: "I am afraid of this exam. I am afraid I will get fat if I eat this, I am afraid she won’t like me, I am afraid to climb that hill, I am afraid to speak in front of all these people, I am afraid my business will fail, I am afraid I won’t have money to pay my bills"...
Our mind doesn’t play around. The worries and the fears are only very real. The result is that we keep sending these negative vibes today, only to receive more of the same tomorrow.
3. Peace and joy
Peace of mind is only guaranteed today. So is joy. Those are feelings that we feel today, this very moment. We can wish we will be at peace tomorrow and we can remember having had peace yesterday, but the feeling in now.
The similarity between the three types of feeling is that they are all felt today. However, only peace and joy are positive feelings that will make us happier.
What is the point of worrying about the past and have this anxiety and fear about the future? Can we do anything about them? Do they present any solution to the events in our lives? Are they making us happier? Do they make us move forward? Do they make us feel good? Do they inspire us? Do they help increase our hope and trust that the world is a good place to be and that our lives are worth living?
They don’t. So, every time you catch yourself having or the other, acknowledge it to satisfy your conscious mind and immediately say something like this: "I am undisturbed by appearances. All is well and I am safe." And go about your day in peace and joy.
