Wednesday, April 26, 2006
When Our Children Become Our Friends
Michelangelo once said that within every block of marble there is a great sculpture waiting to come out. I say the same about our children. When we receive them in the world, we don’t know what kind of beings they are and what their potential will be.
Nevertheless, we act as Michelangelo, for, inside every parent, there is a sculptor of children. We know there is a great sculpture coming out; we only need to shape our marble block. We do this by teaching our children what we believe is right, by passing onto them our values, by feeding them the foods we think are the best, by providing them with the best possible education, by showing them our religious/spiritual beliefs, by directing them to the best friendships, by encouraging them to pursue hobbies and activities we deem important, and so on.
In sum, we do the best we can with the tools we have available. If anything is lacking, it isn’t because we don’t want to give, but simply because we do not possess the necessary resources to provide them with.
And so, from infancy we start molding the block, partly knowing what kind of sculpture it will be, and partly expecting some surprising features. The truth is that our children are in reality a surprise, and, no matter how much we have provided them with, we truly never know what the ultimate piece of art they will really be.
In any case, as with any living thing, if we feed them right, they grow. Suddenly, our children step out of childhood and become teenagers. According to developmental psychologists, and I like to cite Rudolf Steiner, at age 14 they are truly ready to start detaching themselves from ourselves.
It is the beginning of their parental emancipation. This process is not at all easy, as those who have had teenagers will confirm. Moreover, the more attached a child is to his parent, the more severe this separation will be. It hurts us, parents, but we need to learn to let go because it is now that we re planting the seeds for our future friendship with them. And soon it will happen.
We all have gone through this: here we are, walking in our parenting path when suddenly by age 16 or 17… “Wait a second”! You say. “Where is my child”? You ask. And dumbstruck, you realize that your child is not a child anymore. Your child is now a whole person with their own set of beliefs and values, attitudes, behavior, etc. What is worse, your child is leaving home! My, time flies!
But the greatest thing about losing your child is that your relationship has turned 180 degrees. Suddenly you see yourself discussing politics or philosophy or religion. You read the news and have a conversation about it. You say to each other: have you heard about so and so, did you read about this, what do you think about that, can you believe that, did you know that… and on and on you go and you notice that you are actually exchanging opinions through fantastic pieces of conversation.
Congratulations! This is your aha moment. A moment when you realize that your child has become your friend. Or can become one as soon as you let go of strict parenting and treat them with the same deference you treat any other adult. You will have conquered them forever.
Nevertheless, we act as Michelangelo, for, inside every parent, there is a sculptor of children. We know there is a great sculpture coming out; we only need to shape our marble block. We do this by teaching our children what we believe is right, by passing onto them our values, by feeding them the foods we think are the best, by providing them with the best possible education, by showing them our religious/spiritual beliefs, by directing them to the best friendships, by encouraging them to pursue hobbies and activities we deem important, and so on.
In sum, we do the best we can with the tools we have available. If anything is lacking, it isn’t because we don’t want to give, but simply because we do not possess the necessary resources to provide them with.
And so, from infancy we start molding the block, partly knowing what kind of sculpture it will be, and partly expecting some surprising features. The truth is that our children are in reality a surprise, and, no matter how much we have provided them with, we truly never know what the ultimate piece of art they will really be.
In any case, as with any living thing, if we feed them right, they grow. Suddenly, our children step out of childhood and become teenagers. According to developmental psychologists, and I like to cite Rudolf Steiner, at age 14 they are truly ready to start detaching themselves from ourselves.
It is the beginning of their parental emancipation. This process is not at all easy, as those who have had teenagers will confirm. Moreover, the more attached a child is to his parent, the more severe this separation will be. It hurts us, parents, but we need to learn to let go because it is now that we re planting the seeds for our future friendship with them. And soon it will happen.
We all have gone through this: here we are, walking in our parenting path when suddenly by age 16 or 17… “Wait a second”! You say. “Where is my child”? You ask. And dumbstruck, you realize that your child is not a child anymore. Your child is now a whole person with their own set of beliefs and values, attitudes, behavior, etc. What is worse, your child is leaving home! My, time flies!
But the greatest thing about losing your child is that your relationship has turned 180 degrees. Suddenly you see yourself discussing politics or philosophy or religion. You read the news and have a conversation about it. You say to each other: have you heard about so and so, did you read about this, what do you think about that, can you believe that, did you know that… and on and on you go and you notice that you are actually exchanging opinions through fantastic pieces of conversation.
Congratulations! This is your aha moment. A moment when you realize that your child has become your friend. Or can become one as soon as you let go of strict parenting and treat them with the same deference you treat any other adult. You will have conquered them forever.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Being a Tourist of People
When you happen upon a place you haven’t seen and you wish to visit, the first thing you do is to gather information about it. If you have the opportunity, you go to the place’s Visitor Center where you find maps, brochures, lists of activities and festivals to participate in, restaurants, shopping places, typical souvenirs, etc.
Everything you read is very descriptive. Using good marketing techniques, the readings tell you why the place is worth your visit. Every single positive point is described: all that is good, wonderful, interesting, poetic, beautiful, intriguing, exciting, fascinating, distinguished, memorable, curious, historic, relevant, humorous, remarkable, illustrious, quaint, extraordinary, romantic, and so on. You get excited and motivated to visit all that interests you; all that you feel attracted to.
And indeed, because you are attracted to the sites, you find them all marvelous. The result is that not only you thoroughly enjoy your visit but you also tell others about it, so they too, may enjoy it, making you happy that you were able to please them.
So, in truth, what exactly happens? When you understand the Law of Attraction, you know that when you go to a place, you most likely align yourself with what it has to offer and because of this alignment, your visit becomes perfect. You come to visit only that which truly interests and fascinates you.
So what is my point?
My point is that I don’t see why, as human beings we don’t do the same thing, i.e., make believe that we are a tourist center and believe that others are one too? Do cities and the like show their visitors the "poor side of town"? Do we look for it? Of course, not! And yet, sooner or later we will find it and only then we learn to deal with it in the best possible way.
Wouldn’t be nice if we could find the best attributes of any person we already know or meet which align us to them and therefore get to know them well, find them attractive, and appreciate them?
Wouldn’t it be nice if, next time we meet someone we ask them what makes them unique and likeable? Every single person has characteristics that please us. How about we look for them and forget what does not please us? We can also do the same for them: we show them our most attractive aspects.
How many people you know and love don’t possess all the attributes that you most like and nevertheless you forgo them because the person has other things that you like? We will not find the quintessential perfect person and we will not be the perfect person either; however, we can certainly align ourselves with them and love and be equally loved. We simply need to look for the attributes that attract us the most and… voilà!
So, let’s make this a game, the Tourist Game and not only show the best we have to offer but look for it in return.
Everything you read is very descriptive. Using good marketing techniques, the readings tell you why the place is worth your visit. Every single positive point is described: all that is good, wonderful, interesting, poetic, beautiful, intriguing, exciting, fascinating, distinguished, memorable, curious, historic, relevant, humorous, remarkable, illustrious, quaint, extraordinary, romantic, and so on. You get excited and motivated to visit all that interests you; all that you feel attracted to.
And indeed, because you are attracted to the sites, you find them all marvelous. The result is that not only you thoroughly enjoy your visit but you also tell others about it, so they too, may enjoy it, making you happy that you were able to please them.
So, in truth, what exactly happens? When you understand the Law of Attraction, you know that when you go to a place, you most likely align yourself with what it has to offer and because of this alignment, your visit becomes perfect. You come to visit only that which truly interests and fascinates you.
So what is my point?
My point is that I don’t see why, as human beings we don’t do the same thing, i.e., make believe that we are a tourist center and believe that others are one too? Do cities and the like show their visitors the "poor side of town"? Do we look for it? Of course, not! And yet, sooner or later we will find it and only then we learn to deal with it in the best possible way.
Wouldn’t be nice if we could find the best attributes of any person we already know or meet which align us to them and therefore get to know them well, find them attractive, and appreciate them?
Wouldn’t it be nice if, next time we meet someone we ask them what makes them unique and likeable? Every single person has characteristics that please us. How about we look for them and forget what does not please us? We can also do the same for them: we show them our most attractive aspects.
How many people you know and love don’t possess all the attributes that you most like and nevertheless you forgo them because the person has other things that you like? We will not find the quintessential perfect person and we will not be the perfect person either; however, we can certainly align ourselves with them and love and be equally loved. We simply need to look for the attributes that attract us the most and… voilà!
So, let’s make this a game, the Tourist Game and not only show the best we have to offer but look for it in return.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Education is a kill joy
We all sure have suffered in the hands of the “latest educational fads.” Forty years ago, children would fail one subject and consequently had to repeat the whole year again. Sometimes, they would fail for missing as little as .25 points on a final exam.
Dedication, hard work, good participation in class, a positive attitude…nothing would count towards making the grade. They were considered failures, not of the system, but individual failures; it was their fault that they didn’t make it.
I have a friend who is a sad example of this system. When he was in 5th grade, he failed Latin for, perhaps, half a point. He needed to repeat the entire year because of Latin, only, the discipline Latin was removed from the roll and was no longer part of the system.
In other words, he was held back for something that didn’t exist any longer. How tragic is this? And worst, how did that make him feel?
Later on, the system determined that children were not supposed to be “punished” in such way. In came the theory that "recuperation" was a better approach to dealing with those who couldn’t pass the class.
They would study during vacations to make up for lost work. Then they could go on, provided they made the grade. In my opinion this is a far better way to evaluate the students. And fairer too.
But the system kept moving forward until we arrived at today’s democratic education, for lack of a better term. This system, though gentler to the student’s self-esteem, is another disaster, for now, we have happier students who get into college without the ability to read and write.
Too many college students are in the “7th grade bracket.” Now, when we think that these are the people controlling every single aspect of our lives in the near future, one wonders how we will ever survive the flood of semi-literate people leading our country.
The trouble is now that we have two extremes. If, on one hand we have competent people who have suffered because they were called “impaired,” “dumb,” “idiotic” and “slow” to say the least, we also have extra inflated egos who can barely write their own names.
So, what are we to do? How can we solve this paradox, and, not only prepare our students for a great and realistic world, but also to do so in a way that each one will have his place and be happy for it?
The educational system has failed us, the aggravation being that we think that everyone should go to college. I disagree; college education, for example, is not for everyone.
In today’s society, only 25% of college graduates work on their chosen field. So, why waste resources, personal and governmental, in pursuing an education that will be useless from an occupational standpoint?
My point is that, as with every society in the world, ancient or modern, literate or illiterate, there is a place for everyone. Even in Brave New World the expression “to each, his own” applies. This means that, in the same way that we are not all made to be lawyers, politicians or artists, we are not all made to be janitors, mechanics, or truck drivers.
In a truly democratic society, where education inspires the individual to do his best in whatever occupation he or she chooses, everyone is a winner, because everyone is truly happy.
Dedication, hard work, good participation in class, a positive attitude…nothing would count towards making the grade. They were considered failures, not of the system, but individual failures; it was their fault that they didn’t make it.
I have a friend who is a sad example of this system. When he was in 5th grade, he failed Latin for, perhaps, half a point. He needed to repeat the entire year because of Latin, only, the discipline Latin was removed from the roll and was no longer part of the system.
In other words, he was held back for something that didn’t exist any longer. How tragic is this? And worst, how did that make him feel?
Later on, the system determined that children were not supposed to be “punished” in such way. In came the theory that "recuperation" was a better approach to dealing with those who couldn’t pass the class.
They would study during vacations to make up for lost work. Then they could go on, provided they made the grade. In my opinion this is a far better way to evaluate the students. And fairer too.
But the system kept moving forward until we arrived at today’s democratic education, for lack of a better term. This system, though gentler to the student’s self-esteem, is another disaster, for now, we have happier students who get into college without the ability to read and write.
Too many college students are in the “7th grade bracket.” Now, when we think that these are the people controlling every single aspect of our lives in the near future, one wonders how we will ever survive the flood of semi-literate people leading our country.
The trouble is now that we have two extremes. If, on one hand we have competent people who have suffered because they were called “impaired,” “dumb,” “idiotic” and “slow” to say the least, we also have extra inflated egos who can barely write their own names.
So, what are we to do? How can we solve this paradox, and, not only prepare our students for a great and realistic world, but also to do so in a way that each one will have his place and be happy for it?
The educational system has failed us, the aggravation being that we think that everyone should go to college. I disagree; college education, for example, is not for everyone.
In today’s society, only 25% of college graduates work on their chosen field. So, why waste resources, personal and governmental, in pursuing an education that will be useless from an occupational standpoint?
My point is that, as with every society in the world, ancient or modern, literate or illiterate, there is a place for everyone. Even in Brave New World the expression “to each, his own” applies. This means that, in the same way that we are not all made to be lawyers, politicians or artists, we are not all made to be janitors, mechanics, or truck drivers.
In a truly democratic society, where education inspires the individual to do his best in whatever occupation he or she chooses, everyone is a winner, because everyone is truly happy.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
Having a broken heart is nothing to laugh about. If your heart has been broken in the past (whose heart hasn’t, really?) or is broken now, you know exactly what I mean. Besides the depression, all sorts of negative feelings pile up on an already stressed body and not only feel like dying but you might also develop a serious illness that may indeed kill you.
At this point, you are so unfocused on the positive and so focused on the negative that it is a wonder you can function at all. You go against the Law of Attraction that states that you get what you focus upon. That means that instead of being relieved from your pain, you are getting even more of it.
Never you worry, though. The Universe is very forgiving and always says YES to you. So, no sooner you shift your focus, your reality will shift as well, from the negative, to the positive.
There are 3 steps to take when you break your heart.
Grieve
Grieving immediately after your loss is the best way to go. Don’t put off this important step. The longer you take to do it, the longer it will take you to heal. Dive head on.
Go deep into your wound. Cry, scream, punch your pillow, kick rocks, go to your underworld if you must (just like Orpheus). Face the darkness. Do what you need to do without pretenses. You must be true to your hurt, to your feelings. Your acceptance that you are hurt is your biggest step for your true healing. You will come back from it a much stronger person and ready for the second step.
Plan
To mend a broken heart you need to go on a journey, your healing journey. And as with any journey, you need to plan. You don’t go on a trip without knowing what is going to happen beforehand, would you? Even if you are following other people’s plan, you want to know what is happening. This is planning.
When it is time for the healing journey, many people hop on an unplanned trip, because they don’t know better and they make many mistakes along the way. Don’t fall in that trap. Plan and date what you need to do to mend your broken heart.
Take action
After you plan, the next logical step is to take action. Here are some steps that you may take to make sure the path you chose is the best for you. Here are some suggestions:
1. Accept responsibility for your healing
2. Take time for yourself
3. When you are inspired, take action
4. Remember that “Today is a gift; that is why they call it the present”
5. Forgive each and everyone, past and present
6. Understand the Law of Attraction
7. Release negative people from your life
8. Dive into your spiritual work
9. Do your affirmations and visualizations
10. Be grateful. Appreciate. Bless
11. Expect miracles
So here you are. You may have a broken heart now, but remember that this too shall pass. And when it passes, you will be so much stronger you will appreciate the journey you went to. And you will bless it.
At this point, you are so unfocused on the positive and so focused on the negative that it is a wonder you can function at all. You go against the Law of Attraction that states that you get what you focus upon. That means that instead of being relieved from your pain, you are getting even more of it.
Never you worry, though. The Universe is very forgiving and always says YES to you. So, no sooner you shift your focus, your reality will shift as well, from the negative, to the positive.
There are 3 steps to take when you break your heart.
Grieve
Grieving immediately after your loss is the best way to go. Don’t put off this important step. The longer you take to do it, the longer it will take you to heal. Dive head on.
Go deep into your wound. Cry, scream, punch your pillow, kick rocks, go to your underworld if you must (just like Orpheus). Face the darkness. Do what you need to do without pretenses. You must be true to your hurt, to your feelings. Your acceptance that you are hurt is your biggest step for your true healing. You will come back from it a much stronger person and ready for the second step.
Plan
To mend a broken heart you need to go on a journey, your healing journey. And as with any journey, you need to plan. You don’t go on a trip without knowing what is going to happen beforehand, would you? Even if you are following other people’s plan, you want to know what is happening. This is planning.
When it is time for the healing journey, many people hop on an unplanned trip, because they don’t know better and they make many mistakes along the way. Don’t fall in that trap. Plan and date what you need to do to mend your broken heart.
Take action
After you plan, the next logical step is to take action. Here are some steps that you may take to make sure the path you chose is the best for you. Here are some suggestions:
1. Accept responsibility for your healing
2. Take time for yourself
3. When you are inspired, take action
4. Remember that “Today is a gift; that is why they call it the present”
5. Forgive each and everyone, past and present
6. Understand the Law of Attraction
7. Release negative people from your life
8. Dive into your spiritual work
9. Do your affirmations and visualizations
10. Be grateful. Appreciate. Bless
11. Expect miracles
So here you are. You may have a broken heart now, but remember that this too shall pass. And when it passes, you will be so much stronger you will appreciate the journey you went to. And you will bless it.
