Prescription for Bliss

Have you ever realized that there are so many older people who are healthy and happy and who keep a great attitude towards life? What do they have that we could learn, copy, and live the same way? They have a zest for life that is even more expressed the longer they live.

Now, throughout their lives, these men and women have indeed faced tribulations and tragedies just like the rest of us. They have laughed and they have cried; they have suffered and they have loved, they have lived good and bad days; they have lived through wars, epidemics, and ordinary and extraordinary diseases.

They have raised their children and grandchildren; they have lost and they have gained. They had ups and downs. Nothing truly different from our ordinary life, really.

Now that they realize their life is getting shorter and they have fewer expectations, they seem even happier. They have learned to let go of the past. They take care of their health and appearance, they participate in their community’s affairs, they give their time and talents to those who are ready to receive them. How do they do that?

Of course, their attitude is a great thing, but it is not my point for now. How they live and the reason for this great attitude of them lies in the fact they have come to terms with their "expectations." And I am not saying this because they have none. Not at all. But the way they deal with expectations differ from us who have yet a long time to live.

Rarely is the older person who has learned about the Law of Attraction and the basic concepts of Metaphysics, which are so widespread these days. So, for them, as for others who do not dwell in spiritual laws (I am not talking about religion), the notion of us being responsible for the nature of our life is a foreign concept.

Therefore, just like us before we knew better, their thoughts have provided them with the quality of their life, be it positive or negative. Hence, their ups and downs. Now that they have fewer expectations they are happier. They have learned to take life at face value. Their minds are not playing tricks on them.

See the connection? Since they don’t expect negative events, these events never manifest. They have finally learned to truly live in the present, and because they fully live in the present, their future is better. And they are happier. Al older gentleman told me this past week: "At my age I don’t even buy green bananas!"

But humor apart, we need to understand that this doesn’t mean that we too should have fewer expectations. It means that we need to trust that our expectations are always positive.

So the lesson today is that if we live in the present and expect the positive, we will not only have a great life now, in the present, but also tomorrow, our future. And who knows, we can be Mister and Miss Universe at age 120!

Any loss is very traumatic, be it the loss of someone or of something. You may have been prepared for it or it may come as a surprise, more like a tragedy, really. The greatest advantage of knowing in advance that you are going to part with someone or something is that you can say a proper good-bye to it.

Suppose a family member is about to die; instead of pretending that nothing is happening, you will feel better later on knowing that you said your farewell. You may also have a chance to make any ill-will right again. You may apologize, you may declare your love, you may show you care, you may laugh, you may introduce a significant other, you may pay a debt, and so on. Of course, all this is not going to make your grief any less; though it will greatly reduce any guilty feeling that you may have later on.

Or, suppose your last child is leaving for college. Though not a total loss, the empty nest experience may be tremendous, especially if you have had a great relationship with this child. Nevertheless, the loss is real for something is about to change. And changes, positive or negative, are never without distress.

Now, the worst loss is the one not expected. That is incredibly traumatic and may make you absolutely desperate and inconsolable. In this case, it may take you a little longer to work on your grief as usually you tend to ask the question that is not to be asked: "Why?"

Though it is easier to cope with the loss in the first instance than it is in the second one, a loss is a loss and the grieving process is all the same. To help you cope with it so that you can move on, here are 5 suggestions:

1. Take time off so you can deeply feel your sorrow. Do what you must: cry, scream, kick, punch. Let the anger come out and do something about it.

2. Relax and de-stress. You can visit with your true friends and find opportunities to laugh. Chill out and relax. Go for walks in nature, take a bath, make love, appreciate the beauty around you.

3. Do something you truly love. It can be taking up a hobby. Good things to try are the ones you use your hands, for your heart has a special connection to your hands. Let you heart speak. Or else, you can volunteer for a cause which you are passionate about. Think of what causes you great sorrow every time you see it. Volunteer for that.

4. Learn something new. This is a good time to take up piano lessons, or painting, or dance and drama, or learn a language, or learn a computer program.

5. Plan for the next stage of your life. Remember that if you don’t plan, life passes you by. Be proactive, dream and transform your dreams into goals. Check my article: "How to Transform Your Dreams Into Goal" for this step.

You will notice that soon you are not only feeling much better but you are also dramatically improving the quality of your life and those around you.

Apologies… Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others to apologize? Usually, those who are reluctant to apologize do so because of fear. They are afraid of being humiliated, of being perceived as weak; of recognizing that they did something “wrong” or inappropriate or unacceptable; of being rejected; of accepting the fact that they are, after all, humans and therefore subject to errors now and then, etc.

Any reason that makes people feel uncomfortable is just an excuse which prevents them from simply apologizing. Declaring “I am sorry,” “I apologize,” “Please, forgive me,” is indeed very liberating, though nerve wrecking to some.

Of these expressions, the most charged is the latter for one simple reason: when you apologize the action comes from you; you are actively saying you are sorry. You are not really engaging the enemy, so to speak. Since you are doing the action, you can simply apologize, turn your back and move on.

On the other hand, when you ask for forgiveness, you become a passive player because you are not in charge of the outcome; rather, you are the recipient of someone else’s forgiveness. And that can be very scary to many.

In many cases, the questions that come to your mind might be: “What if the person does not accept my gesture?” and worse, “What if the person does not forgive me?” Your defense mechanism enters in a state of alertness. Your adrenals kick in, and the fight or flee reaction is triggered.

You may be afraid of being rejected; your self-esteem may be shattered, you might understand the powerful “truth” that you are not loved. You feel trapped and you become paralyzed and hence, you’d rather disconnect with the person than going so much out of your comfort zone.

So to get out of this trap, please, understand this one premise once and for all: It is not for you to decide if you are forgiven or not. Your doing is to apologize because you somehow hurt the person. That is all you have to do.

Whether the person accepts or not your apologies, whether the person will in fact forgive you is NOT your concern. Each person is responsible for their doings. You do yours, they do theirs. It is absolutely none of your business whether or not you are forgiven. It is your business to apologize once we understand apologies are in order. Simply that.

Some people naively think that they can control what others think and do and that is an absolutely waste of time. You can only control what you do. And that is it.

So, next time there is a need for you to apologize and you are afraid to do so, think that you are liberating yourself from any wrongdoing. Do it for yourself and know that the benefits of your action are far reaching, even more than you can imagine. By apologizing, you are, most of all, healing yourself, your life, the person, your relationship with the person, and the world.

How many situations can you remember that only by getting lost you found your way?

I literally do this all the time. In fact, I usually make a point getting lost, so I can learn my way around. It happens each time I move to a new place. I call it the "Game of Getting Lost." It is time for exploration.

I get into my car and go explore places. I drive into the roads less traveled, so to speak, and go around and around finding my way around back to the main road, getting into the little veins of the city, observing the areas around me, especially the beautiful houses and yards and nature on my way.

I love it when I see an obscure road expecting great surprises coming to me. Granted, the surprises come. I get lost into rural areas, business districts, school areas, the industrial part of town, the poor side of town, the rich side of town, the train tracks, downtown... it is all very fascinating.

I get to learn where shopping places are. I pay close attention to those businesses that particularly interest me. "Ah... this is where such and such is!" "Oh, look at what they have here..." Those are just some exclamations of pure elation.

And each time I find my way, I celebrate it with a great gusto. I know I am back to a familiar place, which give me great pleasure and fills me with a sense of security and safety. Even though invariably I find myself in a different place from where I begun, I know something has changed. I am now wiser, more knowledgeable, more experienced.

So, how can we use this game to improve our life spiritually?There are two ways:

One is by going to the "underworld," that is, by using a traumatic event to get to know our own demons, to face our reality, to transform our shortcomings, and so on. It usually happens when we are faced with a severe disease or with an extreme broken heart. Though the situation is highly stressful and intense, this is a great opportunity to study who we are, to cleanse what is ragged, and to add what we most desire.

The other circumstance is when we decide that our reality is not serving us anymore; the life we lead is not that joyous, we do not particularly appreciate what we have become and what we are manifesting into our life, and we understand it is time for a change. This is a conscious choice that we make and from there, we look for opportunities to better ourselves.

Interestingly, when we are ready for this change, most times we don’t even need to look for these opportunities: they will fall into our laps. We only need to take advantage of whatever is being offered to us as a steeping stone and go from there.

This is when we play the Game of "Getting Lost." Both ways are not easy, though one is much less traumatic than the other. They demand that we look deeply into our soul, get lost within ourselves, travel our most obscure roads, observe our surroundings, to finally find our way, victorious.

Throw the first stone he who hasn’t made a mistake.
It is a prerogative of life to teach us through our mistakes, a fact that is really unfortunate, as we would be much better off if we learnt from the mistakes of others. Here are some conjectures...

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just not repeat the very same mistakes that most of our elders have made and hence, grow up much more rapidly and then make brand new mistakes so others would learn from us and grow up even more rapidly? How advanced we would be!

But no, here we are, teaching our children and friends what NOT to do, only no one listens to us, as we practically never listen to anyone either. Why is that? We don’t listen and invariably we screw up. Though most of them are light, some mistakes carry huge consequences.

How many times did your parents teach you something that came in the one ear at the same speed that it went out the other? Why do our children do the same? And so do we?

Example: Your child decides to jump off a tree near a spiky branch lying around. You see the danger, you yell “Don’t jump!” and he does it anyway. He stumbles and nearly loses an eye when the branch hits his face.

Question: Has your child learnt to listen to you or as has your child learnt not to jump so close to another branch?

Consequence: None, but potentially serious.

Example: You see your teen backing up and driving faster than it would be safe on a parking lot. You repeat over and over: “Careful, don’t go so fast. This is a parking lot and you may hit cars and, God forbid, people!” She keeps ignoring you until she nearly hits a car or nearly runs over a pedestrian.

Question: Has you child learnt to listen to you or has your child learnt to slow down in the parking lot?

Consequence: None, but potentially serious.

Example: Your parents know that you tent to drink alcohol and while taking drugs (soft or hard). They say “This is very dangerous. Stop doing it” But you ignore them and do it anyway. So one of the times you mix the two you feel very bad and among other things you nearly lose your consciousness.

Question: Have you learnt to listen to your parents or have your learnt not to mix drinks and drugs?

Consequence: None, but potentially serious.

How many of potentially serious consequences have we faced throughout our life? What if they indeed come to pass? Why can’t we just accept the fact that the experiences lived by others are a great tool for our maturity and therefore we must pay attention? You tell me!

But I tell you… Next time someone gives you an advice, think twice before ignoring it. At least, if the consequences of your actions are not severe, you don’t have to hear: “I told you so!”